Alright, folks- Halloween is coming up, and we’re sure some of you are already thinking about the kind of candy you want to give to trick or treaters this year. Of course, it’s fair to say that not all candy has been created equal. In fact, we think the kind of Halloween candy you buy says a whole lot about you.
Ready for an unsolicited opinion on something inconsequential? Buckle up friends, because we’re chomping at the bit to share our thoughts with you. Here’s what the candy you give on Halloween says about you.
The Classic
Oh Henrys and Mars bars, Rockets, and tiny little bags of Sour Patch Kids… whatever it is, you bought it because it was the first thing you saw at the grocery store the day before. Hey, no shame in sticking with the name brand, but you’re also probably not the type to go beyond a small little (plastic) pumpkin on the doorstep, either.
The Purist
To you, candy only means one thing- chocolate. And whether you’re sticking with Hershey milk chocolate or trying to introduce five-year-olds to 80% cocoa, your devotion to the world of chocolate knows no bounds. Like the classic candy mix, you’re also probably not the type to dress up for the night- you’re too busy watching CSI or Friends or something completely unrelated to the day.
The Sweet Tooth
On the other end of the spectrum, we’ve got the Sweet Tooth. Forget chocolate, you say, when Halloween is for the unbridled consumption of all things with paragraph-long ingredient lists. As long as you’re giving out the fan favourites, you’re fine. But, step too far into the pure sugar world (God forbid you actually buy candy corn), and you’re the reason why children get limiters put on their candy consumption.
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The Exotics Enthusiast
Why should trick or treaters be limited to North American candies on Halloween? It’s a good question, and you never came up with an answer for it. Instead, you’re scouring specialty food markets for the best (reasonably-priced) options from Japan, Germany, or Mexico. While the trick or treaters might not see the point of pure Haribo power, or milk chocolate with chilli peppers, their parents sure do. And in private, they thank you.
The Maximalist
Forget a quick trip to London Drugs, you made the trek to Costco or Superstore this year and bought your weight in Kirkland or No Name products. Luckily- this approach usually goes one of two ways, and they’re both good. You love the day, and the candy accentuates a very spooky decor. Alternatively, you actually won’t be home that evening, and you’ve filled a small garbage pail alongside an adorably naive note to “Help Yourselves”. The first unsupervised kids at your house will make out like bandits, and legends of the day will be told for months to come.
The Health Nut
Whether you want to share your diet with the world or just think Halloween is a ‘little too unhealthy’, your house is getting glossed over within an hour of the evening. While some parents might applaud you for ‘reeling it in’, their children do not feel the same. It could be a trail mix bag with Smarties (a special treat in your own life), Craisins, or those low-sugar candies aimed towards the same people that drink light beer- you’re not doing anyone any favours.
The Devotee
Almost a perfect foil to the Health Nut, we arrive at the Devotee. Whether you’re buying candy in bulk or carefully rationing out snack-size packages, everyone who comes to your house is leaving with the same, pristine, Halloween candy bag. You’ve also got the second-best decorated house on the block, welcoming children of all ages for a little Halloween fun. Easily one of the best options on this list, but way more time-consuming.
The Richest House on the Block (and maybe even the entire world)
Parents may despise you, but good lord do their kids love the work you do. Your generosity knows no bounds, and that is extended without question on Halloween. After spending well over $100, you’ve got full-sized candy bars to dish out on the big night- the holiest of holies for any trick or treater. If there were more people like you in the world, we’d all be better off. Your biggest issue? Figuring out which kids made a quick costume swap with their friends halfway through the evening, just for another round at your house.
The Trickster
The ultimate Halloween archetype, and someone who watches Psycho or The Shining in the middle of July. It’s not so much about the candy you give out (hard to source, and usually spider or skeleton-themed). No, that’s too easy of an approach- those dang kids have to earn it as well. It could be a simple living ‘scarecrow’ on the porch, or a full-blown haunted house in the garage. Either way, you’re dishing out thrills to the older kids, and potential nightmares to the younger ones. Treat this role with respect, and you’ll be Halloween royalty every year.
Alright folks, that’s our roundup of what the candy you give away on Halloween says about you! We may have mixed a couple, and you may know some outliers, but consider this a general rule of thumb if you find yourself in charge of Halloween preparations this year.
