The key to a successful night out is good company, but what makes a top-notch group? We believe that In every squad, the most important member is actually the hype person, and who better to keep the night alive, pumped up and having fun than one of Canada’s mascots?
Realistically – there would be no one better to party with than a group of the notorious drum-bangers, photo bombers and crowd masters of the NHL, NBA AND MLB – but what if the table only had room for a handful of them? Here are 5 Canadian mascots that we’d like to grab a drink with, and 5 that we’d probably ‘forget’ to invite to the party.
CROWD PLEASERS
TOUCHE – THE MONTREAL ALOUETTE’S FOOTBALL TEAM
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Hatched in 1996 and recognized as the only bilingual mascot in the CFL, Touche could not only relate to both millennial and Gen Z guests but could bring an aura of sophistication to any night out. With their undeniably fierce facial markings, generational cusp birthday and ability to fly wherever and whenever – Touche is trendy, cultured and night-out-worthy AF.
CARLTON – THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAF’S HOCKEY TEAM
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Weighing 270 pounds and towering over most at 6 foot 4, Carlton is what we imagine to be the “giant teddy bear” type. Born into a cushy domestic life in 1995, this positive polar bear is the kind of mascot that would probably hold your hair and tell you that your ex doesn’t deserve you at the end of the night – plus Torontonians are notorious for knowing how to have fun – making him the perfect party guest.
HARVEY THE HOUND – CALGARY FLAMES HOCKEY TEAM
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Recognized as the NHLs very first mascot, Harvey the Hound would probably be an excellent storyteller. Often mistaken for a koala, Harvey has also proven to audiences all over North America that he has a sense of humour and doesn’t take things too seriously – which is exactly the kind of pup you want leading the pack on a night out.
GAINER THE GOPHER – SASKATCHEWAN ROUGH RIDERS FOOTBALL TEAM
Despite his loud and goofy appearance, we think that Gainer the Gopher is probably the chill, house party type. A little bit older than most on this list (born in 1977) Gainer may be late to every get-together but would totally bring his own 6-pack and that should be appreciated. We can imagine that he’d definitely have a unique self-deprecating sense of humour, a mad eye for beer pong and the ability to talk about the more meaningful things in life and while he wouldn’t be the first out on the dance floor he’s always down for a friendly game of flip-cup.
ACE – TORONTO BLUE JAYS BASEBALL TEAM
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While he’s probably a bit self-absorbed (because he’s the face of Canada’s only baseball team), Ace the Bluejay seems like the kind of bird to level up any social gathering. While ideal in smaller doses, Ace’s ability to keep everyone on their feet is undeniable. You think you’re driving home after a night out with this guy? Not a chance. You’re going to do shots and you’re going to like it as long as he’s around.
GOOD TIME FUN BOMBERS
BIG JOE – OTTAWA REDBLACKS FOOTBALL TEAM
All muscles, no chill. While Big Joe may be great at keeping people hyped during a game, his bio doesn’t give us much personal information beyond where he likes to work out. For this reason, he seems just a bit dry. Sorry, Joe. But you and your axe are staying in tonight.
JASON THE ARGONAUT – THE TORONTO ARGONAUTS FOOTBALL TEAM
Another humanoid mascot, Jason the Argonaut just seems like the type to have a heroes complex. Created in 2005, he’s also a year too young to legally hit the bar circuit, so under the current circumstance – he’s not invited.
THE RAPTOR – THE TORONTO RAPTORS BASKETBALL TEAM
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If we’ve learned anything from Jurassic Park, it’s that dinosaurs have no place in the bar – or around modern society for that matter. This, of course, was made painfully obvious that time he actually ate a human being. (See video above.)
YOUPPI – THE MONTREAL CANADIENS HOCKEY TEAM
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They say that you should never meet your heroes and we’re certainly not willing to find out why. Youppi, who is the only Canadian to have been inducted into the mascot hall of fame, is incredibly beloved – but should remain under the cloak of celebrity. Sorry ya’ big lug. Maybe in another lifetime.
STRIPES – THE HAMILTON TIGER-CATS FOOTBALL TEAM
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Mysteries are great. We love a good mystery! But it’s just too risky to invite an enigma out for drinks. With VERY little personal information out there about Stripes, it’s in our best interest to leave him out of our plans. Nothing personal kitty, but we just need to get to know you a little better.
Agree or disagree, there you have it. Our list of Canadian mascots we’d like to go for drinks with. Who made yours? Let us know your top 5 on our socials!
